


Let Me Lead You

by kurosuisen



Series: The light that never goes out [6]
Category: Dunkirk (2017)
Genre: Emotional, Established Relationship, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pilot Husbands, Post-Canon, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-05 19:37:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13394811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kurosuisen/pseuds/kurosuisen
Summary: One dance won’t hurt. And it doesn’t hurt to keep up appearances when we have the opportunity to.Collins and Farrier are both invited to reception of their old comrade.





	Let Me Lead You

**Author's Note:**

> It's another part of my little _[There is a light that never goes out](http://archiveofourown.org/series/820887)_ universe, but it can be read standalone.  
>  The work is dedicated to my dear friend [thrandymajestic](http://archiveofourown.org/users/thrandymajestic/pseuds/thrandymajestic) because it bases on her perfect headcanon  
> I am no native, so please let me know if there are any terrible errors - comments and kudos are much appreciated!

The people around were too loud and too happy for his liking. He still had hard times when he had to be around so many of them. His senses usually became oversensitive and he was getting self-conscious over the fact that they might all know how broken he felt. Sometimes he was able to control this sensitivity, sometimes he spectacularly failed, usually when he had too much time to overthink looks, gestures and whispers.

Farrier believed that he was long forgotten by most of their fellow pilots. It turned out that he had been wrong when he received an invitation from former comrade who served in the same squadron. Griffin was his last name and Farrier remembered him as the fine pilot and bright person. He was a good friend and sincere man. Collins said that they’d become more acquainted after Dunkirk. They’d formed a new three-man squad. As rumours of him being alive spread amongst former pilots, the invitation had been sent to his mother’s address. It was the same for Collins – he got a telegram about the wedding and reception from his parents.

Five years after the war was over everyone was doing their best to settle down and put their life together. Collins and he were also doing their best to live a normal life together, but it wasn’t something they could share with anyone. And Farrier, who didn’t particularly like to pretend that they were someone they weren’t, was ready to decline the invitation, but Collins decided that it was way too long since the war, so it would be rude not to come. Farrier was prepared to sit by the table with a bottle of gin for the whole evening, drinking occasional toasts with those who would recognise him.

The reception took place in a countryside mansion that belonged to the bride’s family. There were loud music, splendid decorations and many people. Amongst them there were several faces he had almost forgotten. The times when he couldn’t stand any of the noise was long gone, but it didn’t exactly feel comfortable. Luckily, when the man looked around, he couldn’t notice any apologetic looks from the guests around. That was a good thing Collins had been hoping for when they decided to come to the wedding and reception.

“It’s time to dance” decided Collins after a few rounds of toasts that they had shared with old members of their squadron.

“What do you mean… to dance?” Farrier lowered his voice, giving his lover a suspicious look.

“It’s time to ask some ladies to dance” specified the blonde. Farrier gave his lover another look, a murderous one this time, but Collins ignored it as he was busy looking around the hall, observing the guests.

“I ain’t dancing” Farrier muttered in reply.

“Oh, please. Don’t be fussy, Hugh. We’re in the middle of this party and we are expected to dance with some ladies” he said and gave his lover an unimpressed glance.

“It’s you who claims that we are expected” answered the older one. He had no intention of asking anyone to dance. He wouldn’t even ask Collins to dance, so women were at the very end of his list.

“One dance won’t hurt. And it doesn’t hurt to keep up appearances when we have the opportunity to” Collins struck back. He narrowed his eyes with interest and Farrier needed exactly three seconds to realise that he was done. He followed Collins’ gaze to the table on the other site of the hall and sighed at the sight of two women. “Care to explain me how is that possible that when we were just at the beginning of our relationship, you were all about keeping up appearances for safety reasons… And now when we’re in a stable, mature relationship, you decide that it’s best to avoid it?”

“Because we were younger” Farrier replied, keeping his voice down. The blonde rolled his eyes at the answer. “People can just think that we are eternal bachelors.”

“Or they can get suspicious” Collins grasped the glass of gin that Farrier was about to drink and his lover gave him a questioning and a little offended look. “You’re in your thirties, try not to sound like old man, Farrier!”

“But I don’t want to dance” the man snapped back and Collins looked up at the ceiling, having a sudden need of punching his lover in the face. Farrier was just as stubborn as he was.

“Then do us a favour and chat a little. It won’t hurt to chat” the blonde stood up, adjusting his tie, the one that Farrier bought for himself but decided that green was not his colour. The older pilot looked away, trying to ignore his loved one, but after it seemed like ages, Collins was still beside him, waiting for him to get up.

“Will I get something for this?” he asked and if Collins didn’t know him any better, he would probably let him stay by the table.

“I’ll buy you a cherry cake” he said because he knew him enough to know what would make him less upset. 

And to this Farrier could agree – the man got up and followed Collins to the table where the two women were sitting. Why did he decide to approach those two was beyond Farrier’s guess. He decided that the fact that they seemed friendly toward each other was the best reason – if one of them would agree, then the other one should not mind either.

“May I ask you to dance?” asked Collins. The way he asked was absolutely charming to Farrier. He would agree to everything if he used that gallant tone more often. The blonde woman he bowed to looked at her friend first, then she smiled and gave him her hand.

Collins left him with the other woman, brunette one, and suddenly Farrier didn’t know what to do and say. She gave him a questioning look and it took Farrier a good moment to get himself together and speak up.

“Do you want to dance maybe?”

She looked at him, then looked at the dance-floor, and then back to him.

“No” the woman replied and Farrier was about to sigh with relief when she added: “But we can stay here and have a little chat while our friends there are dancing.”

Farrier closed his eyes slowly with the thought that it would be rude to glare at her, upset at the fact that she didn’t refuse. He looked around to see that Collins was already dancing with the blonde woman and then looked back at the brunette, giving her a polite smile. A chat. It was exactly what he didn’t feel like doing. He’d rather dance. He sat by her side and immediately looked around for a bottle of some alcohol, because he was way too sober to have a decent conversation with any woman. The only woman he talked to on a regular basis was the lady who was working in the bakery, the one Collins was terribly jealous of.  

He lifted an empty glass and took a second to make sure it was clear and then he grasped for a bottle of liquor that looked like one he would never spend his money on. He laughed quietly when another glass suddenly appeared before him.

“Are you sure you don’t want to dance?” he asked and poured the glasses for the two of them. She shook her head and Farrier couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes at the silent reply. Damn Collins and his great ideas.

“You came here looking as if you wanted to hear me refusing” she said. “But I don’t drink with strangers. I’m Tiffany.”

It took him awhile to respond to that.

“William” he told her his first name. Telling his last name seemed a little off even though he was used to everyone calling him by it. And his middle name was far too personal to say it aloud. 

“Nice to meet you, William. I’ve never imagined that there are men who ask woman to dance only to be turned down” she remarked him with a sarcastic tone, but Farrier didn’t mind it. At least she didn’t seem to be offended by his action. The last thing he wanted here was to offend any woman and hear the rumours that he was unkind to them. 

“I’m glad to expand your horizons” he bit back with a polite tone. She laughed and drank the alcohol with him. She was the one who poured another glasses for the two of them.

Farrier took a glass in his hands and looked around only to see Collins on the middle of the dance-floor, swaying to the music. He had this charm and manners that would probably make all the ladies want to dance with him. Farrier couldn’t blame them. He also couldn’t blame Tiffany for the lack of interest in him, because his expression, when he asked her for a dance, showed no sign of enthusiasm. He couldn’t care less. He wasn’t here to impress the ladies. Having a few chats with former comrades was enough to repair his social skills.

The pilot would rather dance with Collins himself if he only could, only to feel him leading him in a dance. On the contrary to the older man, the blonde knew well how to dance. But even with all the love that Collins had for him, he would probably laugh at him for having two left feet. The fact that Farrier couldn’t hear well with his left ear, didn’t help at all.

Collins used to say that his mother was the one who gave him dance lessons. In her opinion every man had to know how to dance. Farrier was a complete ignorant when it came to dance. It was not his thing. He didn’t have many opportunities to learn how to dance as well.

Farrier had noticed that Tiffany was already done with her drink so he wanted to offer her another one when he noticed that she was also following a dancing pair.

The blonde woman was wearing an emerald green dress that matched Collins’ tie far too perfectly for his liking. They looked stunning together, both so bright and beautiful. Collins was pure elegance in his new navy suit and Farrier tried not to star at the man too much, but it didn’t come easy to him because he had seen his lover like that so rarely.  Observing them could make one think that they knew each other quite well and there were some chemistry between the two of them. They were laughing and whispering something to each others’ ears, because it was too loud around to have a decent conversation and they seemed to enjoy each other’s company.

Long time ago, shortly after they’ve met and before the words between them had been spoken, Farrier would feel a pang of jealousy. Right then he would just accept the fact that it was a smart move to let the world see. Both of them were already asked about marriage and had to shrug it off, saying that it wasn’t their time yet.

“Let’s drink for our sunshines then, William” Tiffany clinked their glasses all of sudden. Farrier was a taken aback by her words.

He blinked slowly at the sight of longhaired brunette smirking to him. She wasn’t particularly beautiful, but she had a nice rosy skin tone and expressive gray eyes. And those eyes told him a little more than he had expected before. He looked back at the dance-floor and frowned at the thought of how her eyes looked like when she was following the dancing couple. He caught a smile that the blonde woman directed at his new companion.

And then it clicked to him.

He smiled at Tiffany and lifted his half-full glass of liquor to have another round with her. He had seen the two of them by the bride’s side, but they seemed to be friendlier towards each other than towards the bride.

At first Farrier had no idea who she was, but still he lifted his half-full glass to have a round of gin with her. At first he realised that he had seen her by the bride’s side. He looked at the dance-floor again. He had also seen the blonde by the bride’s side.

“My sunshine would rather drink with us” he said and clinked their glasses together. He drank all of the liquor at once and hissed silently. It was stronger than he had expected.

“Mine would rather not.”

He wondered whether they were both so obvious about observing their partners or it was just the fact that they knew how to see things that were hidden like that. The amount of the alcohol Farrier had had must have prevented him from feeling a sheer of panic building up in his chest. The panic he usually felt when his relationship with Collins was about to be exposed. No one had ever found out, but it didn’t hurt to be cautious. Because if she had noticed that, anyone could.

 “So you’re not the dancing type and your sunshine is not the drinking type” he said and she laughed aloud at the comment and grasped the bottle of liquor to pour another glasses of it for the two of them.

“And yet I am the boring one in this relationship” Tiffany said, emptying her glass at once. She didn’t even grimace as he did a moment before. “Her name’s Ivy. The bride is her sister. And my good friend from old times…” she said with her eyes fixed on her partner. “But I would never come here if it wasn’t Ivy being so stubborn. Being here is like being pushed to the huge Ferris wheel of happiness with your own happiness being shut in the box with no safety belt. Thanks God for the endless supply of alcohol. Ivy’s parents would not stand it if people started talking that they were stingy.”

“That’s nice of them” Farrier nodded and looked up at the dance-floor. The song played by the band was something he could remember from the radio, something quick and joyful, but he didn’t know the title. That was one of those songs that his lover would sing in the car when he was thinking that he was sleeping.

Farrier tilted his head, watching Collins and Ivy both looking a little tired of dancing, with their cheeks pink and eyes shining. Although they weren’t tired enough to leave the dance-floor. The pair seemed to attract more attention than the newlyweds.

“Ivy says that one dance with a guy will make her family stop asking about husband for a year at least” she rolled her eyes. Farrier poured them another drink and gave the glass to the woman, sliding his gaze down her neck. She noticed that and sighed so Farrier looked away, saying quiet apology. There was a burned skin on her neck and scars made with cigarettes. While long brown curls of her hair covered it quite well, it was difficult not to notice those burns when she was sitting so close to him. She stood up and wordlessly pointed at the door with her chin. “I’m not a fan of this theory. But look at Griffin. He already makes plans. Debbie, the bride, is no better, I assure you. Let’s go outside, shall we?”

Farrier was hesitant for a moment, but decided to go outside with her. They stopped by the tree where the light of the porch barely reached them and the sounds from the mansion were nicely muffled. There was an unpleasant chill in the air and although she had short sleeve dress, she didn’t seem to mind. Farrier didn’t have this reaction to give his jacket to her, but Tiffany didn’t seem to need it. She reached for a pack of cigarettes hidden in her clutch bag and lifted one cig to him. He didn’t smoke much anymore, but agreed to have one, hoping that Collins would not mind. The blonde smoked himself. Farrier didn’t refuse, because for reasons not known he somehow had this feeling of slight mutual understanding with Tiffany.

“You were both military men, were you?” she asked and closed her eyes to inhale the cigarette smoke.

“Aye. RAF, just like Griffin” he leaned his back against the tree and looked up, smiling at the sights of silverfish moon above. The velvet blackness of the sky was covered with stars. It was almost full moon that night and he regretted that Collins wasn’t there to watch it. He recognized one of the constellation that his lover particularly liked, but couldn’t recall a name of it.

”All army men has those vibes” whispered Tiffany and there was a smile difficult to decipher on her face. “If you had seen enough of them, you look at them once, and you know what they were in those times.”

“It sound as if you’ve encountered a lot of army men” he said, not sure whether he was supposed to say it.

“I worked as an army doctor so I suppose I’ve had. You are the man whose actions speak louder than words. And someone that others looks up to. To follow” the words made the man frown. That was the old him, the one that wasn’t marked with war stigma. The one that would stand straight before inexperienced trainees, preparing them to survive where they was risking their life for their country. They used to look up at him. They wanted to be like him and it was strangely discomforting. “Your man… Your love…” Farrier couldn’t stop but smile at the word she used. In other people’s eyes Collins was just his friend and it was new and so good to hear someone saying it aloud. “He's still full of life. That’s why the two of you keep going.”

“You’re surprisingly right” he gave Tiffany a small smile and slowly inhaled the cigarette smoke. The cigs were stronger than the one Collins usually had. “What’s your storyline?”

“I got captured in France” Tiffany’s voice seemed emotionless, yet her eyes would tell him everything. “Ivy was radio operator. Here, almost at home. She waited.”

Farrier looked away, suddenly not able to stop the wave of emotion going throughout his entire body. Collins had been waiting either. He was convinced that the man would move on, but he didn’t try to move on with someone else. Instead, he did his best to find him after the nightmares of war were gone. He got him and helped fight all the demons that had been haunting him.

“I don’t care about myself much, I’m relieved Ivy didn’t get captured.  She could put the pieces of me together when I was back” she said and there was a surprising strength in her voice. Whatever happened to her, she didn’t come back entirely broken. And she went through the last years thanks to her partner. Just like he did. “I doubt I could be such a support if something happened to her…”

“You would be. You just can’t see that now” he replied with a certainty that made the brunette look up at him. Considering the fact that he had been quite reserved for the last minutes, his words came out quite abrupt. “I… I mean… Finley is better than me. But he was also a pilot too, he also had his ghosts to face. So I was there for him when he had his breakdown. He… It seemed to help even if there were so many times that all I could do was just to hold him.”

“He’s cheerful. He’s like a lamp being brought to the dark room, lightening it up. Like Ivy” she noticed and offered him another cigarette as the first one was already burned out. He leaned slightly to her when she lights the match for him. “He doesn’t look like someone haunted by the past.”

“You don’t need to be a shell of what you once were to be haunted by past” he said and drawn on another cigarette. He knew that Collins wouldn’t like the smell of cigarette on him, but he had to forgive him that time.

“Sometimes I forget that people might had been forced to do worse things I’ve did” she laughed softly, almost gravely, and Farrier frowned at her words.

“We were in the middle of war back then.  Don’t wonder whether you did something worse or not. We did all we had to do to survive” he said, his tone serious, his eyes focused on hers.

“You sound just like her” Tiffany moved away at his subtle touch and grasped another cigarette, lightening it up nervously.

“I sound just like Finley. He used to repeat that to me. A lot. He’s very stubborn when it comes to making me feel better” he said and couldn’t stop a smile that appeared in the corner of his lips. That was what the man used to tell him and that was what he was constantly repeating to him either when Collins woke up from his nightmares, trembling, feeling like shattered glass. Sometimes after those breakdowns, the blonde would laugh that they are both broken and that was the reason why they suited each other so well. “How long have you two been together?”

Tiffany sighed slightly, resting her gaze on the huge window of the hall where the guests were gathered – dancing, chatting and drinking. She caught a glimpse of blonde hair and then she smiled, because she noticed how Ivy was smiling and laughing to the man she was dancing with. Her smile was contagious. There was also a certain longing in her gaze and Farrier recognised that she was longing only to be by her partner’s side. Nothing more, nothing less. He knew that kind of longing.

“It seems like forever. I’ve known her since our childhood. At the beginning I was her big sister’s friend only. We were school friends. Her sister’s the sweetest person I’ve ever met and yet she was jealous when I started to get along with Ivy” she smiled at the sight of the bride that appeared in the back of the hall. With her white, flared dress, it was difficult to miss her.

“Her sister is the sweetest and yet it’s Ivy you’re in relationship with” Farrier said and the woman gave him a quick glare, tightening her narrow lips on the cigarette. The man realised it could be indelicate or childish remark so he told her a quiet sorry.

“Anne is the sweetest person I’ve ever met, but it’s Ivy who is sweet and tough at the same time” she said. “Isn’t your man the same? Tough sunshine that is stubborn enough to get you out of your misery…? I’m good now. Thanks to her. My parents like to convince themselves that I have no husband because I’m too broken to have a family, but I have her. She’s family.”

He looked away, stunned with how open she seemed to be about the reality she was facing. It was unusual. He had found it difficult to put his thoughts into right words when speaking to his loved one, while Tiffany could say it to him when he was a nothing more than a stranger. He felt uncomfortable. Was he good now, just like her, or he was still far from being good no matter how much Collins had done to help him.

“He… Sometimes I feel bad about being burden to him. A burden he doesn’t deserve. He deserves all the happiness in the world” he chuckled and when he looked up, he noticed the gray eyes full of understanding. Understanding wasn't something he had seen often. Some people tried to understand his feeling, but they failed at that because they didn’t know the whole truth. Tiffany understood him somehow. She was no different. Lost soul of the war who had to hide the happiness she had found in the arms of another woman.

“He had chosen to be by your side. You’re not a burden to him. Are you really the same man who told me, just a moment ago, that I could be a support for my sunshine?” she tried to laugh quietly and gave him a gentle pat in the arm. Farrier glared at her for the remark, but she smiled. “You are all the happiness of the world to him. It’s easy to notice if you know how to look.”

The man didn’t nod at this, but he would be a liar to disagree. Their relationship wasn’t easy one, but they grasped for happiness together. 

He tilted his head when he noticed Collins in the open window of the hall. He had his hands resting on the windowsill, looking around. He was looking around outside as if he was trying to find him in the darkness of the yard. It took the man some time before he localised the pair standing by the tree. They were far from each other, but Farrier had felt a quick shiver going down his spine when it seemed that they were looking each other’s in the eyes.

 “Do you want to surprise your sunshine?” he asked suddenly and thrown out a cigarette.

He didn’t reach out for her hand as he noticed that she slightly flinched at his touch before, but pointed at the door of the mansion. She gave him a confused look and he only smiled, going back inside. She followed him after she put out a cig.

The two of them stopped in the entrance and Tiffany bit her lips, looking for Ivy. It took her a few seconds before she noticed her partner talking to her sister. Collins and she must have taken a short break from dancing.

 “Shall we?” Farrier gave Tiffany a look and she nodded slowly, this time letting him clench their fingers as the man lead her to the dance-floor.

Tiffany put her small hand on Farrier’s shoulder and the man closed his eyes, trying not to flinch at the touch. He thought it would be easier, but it wasn’t Collins’ touch. It felt unusual to have someone else’s so close. The band started the next song and they were standing awkwardly in the middle of the dance-floor. When Farrier looked around, Collins was back there with his dance partner. Their eyes crossed and the man had felt his heart beating faster. It had been ages since the blonde saw him dancing. He took a deep breath, trying to focus on the melody.

But suddenly his lover felt so close as their back brushed against each other and Farrier lost his breath for a few seconds. Feeling his body so close in front all those people felt even stranger. It was awkward to have a woman in his arms. The dance felt clumsy to the two of them, but no one seemed to notice anything wrong in their slow dance. No one seemed to notice how Farrier struggled with where to put his hands and how Tiffany was feeling awkward about having a man’s body against hers.

And then, when Farrier lifted his head, he noticed Collins watching him and smiling. Farrier’s cheek felt hot as he realised that the whole leading part of a dance fell to Tiffany. Some might not notice that, but Collins certainly did.

“I would gladly lead you, Hugh” he heard a voice into his right ear, when the blonde tried to outshout the loud music. Farrier didn’t consider himself a blushing type, but who could blame him for having his cheeks red at such words.

He must have made a silly face because Tiffany laughed. She shared a whisper with her partner, but he couldn’t grasp a word. He couldn’t care less, because once again he had felt Collins’ gaze on himself. He straightened up, suddenly giving the impression of being taller and more confident, trying to ignore the fact that the crowded ballroom was far from being a comfortable environment for him.

He wanted to impress his partner, just like before they left home, when Collins smiled as he was tying a bow tie around his neck and he told him that he looked like in their younger years when he wore RAF uniform for those rare occasions that he had to. The blonde kissed him in the cheek then put the starflower in the buttonhole of his jacket.

Farrier didn’t feel like a dancer, but founded some courage to lead Tiffany through the dance-floor. It didn’t go as smoothly as he had imagined, but he caught a glimpse of Collins’ proud expression. The night went further as they had danced through the next songs, both pairs so close that they’d almost touched. The older pilot got a little tired so he bowed to Tiffany, excusing himself from the next dance. She didn’t mind him leaving, but declined when some other man asked her to dance. Tiffany didn’t feel very comfortable around men. Farrier sat by the table and smiled, following Collins with his gaze. The blonde would complain about her mother teaching him how to dance, but it was a pleasant view when he moved with grace that Farrier would never have.

“Interesting one, isn’t she? My wife’s best friend” said the groom as he had appeared all of sudden on the chair beside him. “So fierce and smart. I sought for her attention in our teen years, but she turned me down. But you’re far more considerate man than I’ve ever been, Farrier, so you might have your chance with her.”

The former pilot lifted his head and gave his old comrade a puzzled look. Was he serious? Did all those people there need only such a small thing like dance, to have themselves believed that there was some kind of crush between them? If they could see something like that, why were they blind to notice the longing looks he was barely able to control when Collins was around? Were they blind to the delicate touch they barely shared when they passed each other? It was a good thing that no one had noticed anything, but it made Farrier a little confused of how easy those people were to deceive.

“She’s witty” he agreed. The groom patted him in the shoulder, undiscouraged by his brief reply.

“And I might end up with Collins as my brother-in-law. Can you imagine? The blonde one is Debbie’s sister.”

“Oh. You think so?” Farrier nodded slowly at his enthusiasm. He remembered Griffin as the one who repeatedly tried to set Collins with some ladies from the town nearby their airbase. Sitting next to him with a goofy smile plastered to his face, he sounded as if he was ready to plan a sweet little family future for the six of them. “You two would make perfect brothers-in-law” he chuckled at the thought.

Griffin had no idea how ridiculous his observation was. He just nodded and smiled widely at Farrier’s words and poured some more alcohol in clean glasses that were already on the table. He didn’t get the sarcastic tone of Farrier’s voice.  Luckily, he left the man as unexpectedly as he appeared, because his new wife was giving him the look. The ex-pilot only shook his head, thinking of how naïve his old comrade had been. There were some fellow feelings between him and Tiffany, but none of this implied any romantic feelings.  

Farrier frowned when he lifted his head and there was no trace of Collins on the dance-floor. He hadn’t noticed the blonde leaving. It made him a little anxious to be around all those people with no reassuring presence of the blonde’s. Farrier was trying to learn again how to act around people, but it felt more comfortable with Collins’ support, even if only the slightest.

He had noticed Tiffany somewhere in the back of the ball-room. She finally got the chance to talk to her partner, Ivy. The two of them knew perfectly well how to act around each other so that no one could notice the feelings that were hidden in each look and smile. Farrier wondered if it was the same for him and Collins even if they were quite restrained with their affection.

“I’m back” there was a soft whisper somewhere above his ear and he couldn’t help but smile at the sight of his partner. The blonde reached for the empty glasses and the bottle of liquor to pour another round for Farrier and himself. “You can’t say no to your best mate, can you?”

The older pilot rolled his eyes to those words. He bowed slightly at him and tapped their glasses together.

“Did you enjoy your dancing?”  Farrier asked, this time slowly sipping his drink. He squinted as his gaze went down the light skin of the younger’s one neck. If someone looked really closely, it would be easy to notice a mark, almost pale now, right above the collar of his white shirt. Farrier had been reckless to leave the mark and Collins had to come up with a story of how he got it. By the time it faded, no one showed even the slightest suspicion over his explanation.

“I did. But the thing I enjoyed more was the fact that you’ve decided to dance with Tiffany” a slight shade of red appeared on Farrier’s cheeks again and the man looked away. “You’re going out of your comfort-zone. It’s a good thing. I’m proud.”

“And I’m a little jealous. ” Farrier chuckled quietly.

“We’d have to make our own secret reception party so that you could have a dance” Collins whispered to him and laughed softly.

Farrier was about to say something, when he felt a small hand on his shoulder. When he looked up, it was Ivy who leaned down to the two of them.

“You two look tired. Do you need a ride to the hotel? Because both of you are not in no condition to drive” she looked askance at the empty glasses before them.

The men exchanged the looks and were silent for a long moment. While Ivy was watching them, waiting for the answer, Tiffany appeared right behind her. She was slightly smaller than her partner. Both of them seemed entirely different. Fire and water, just like Collins and Farrier. Tiffany had gray eyes that gave the impression that she was constantly lost deep in her thoughts. On the other side, Ivy’s eyes were bright and attentive as if she could grasp every details of one’s soul with just one look. Farrier had found her gaze making him uncomfortable, so he looked away.

“You can’t be serious” Collins gave the woman suspicious look and he sighed when she smiled. “You are serious.”

“Serious about what?” Farrier asked, confusion visible on his face.

“About giving people around some gossip material” said Collins and Tiffany nodded.

“People around doesn’t concern about the fact that you might not be into the idea of wedding. What does concern them is the fact that you are both in their thirties and still not married. Same goes with Tiffany and me. Why not create a room for rumours that we can control?”

“Basically… What Ivy means for the two of us is to make people think that we’re poor at managing our life, but still into ladies” Collins explained slowly and sighed, when he got another confused look from Farrier.

“Oh.”

If Collins wasn’t sure whether his lover took those words seriously, the man assured him of it, when he drank another glass of alcohol, this time not even caring whether it was his, and nodded to Ivy.

“Come on, let’s say goodbye” Ivy whispered and grasped Collins by the hand. She moved him away from Farrier’s reach and the man hardly stopped himself from catching his lover’s wrist, not letting him go anywhere. He didn’t like how she took Collins away from him after he had such a little time with him there.

Just as Collins and Ivy were expecting, the newlyweds seemed intrigued by the idea of the pair leaving together. Griffin tried to stop the two of them a little longer and when they denied his request, he gave Collins a meaningful look that made Farrier want to punch the groom in the face. He knew how it was supposed to look and how it looked, but it didn’t make him any less offended.

“It wouldn’t be very like me to say goodbye with you by my side” Tiffany spoke up and Farrier agreed without hesitance. He couldn’t imagine going there the way their lovers did.

While she was saying her goodbye, Farrier had a little chat with one of the fellow pilots he had been speaking to before. The glances Griffin was giving to Tiffany were far from being subtle. He sighed, but tried not to show his discontent when the groom patted him in the shoulder, smiling in such a way that Farrier knew exactly what he had in mind and he felt bad about it.

He stopped outside, scanning the surrounding with his gaze only to find Collins leaning against one of the car. His car was parked a few meters away and he was about to ask whether they could just split in two cars, but realised that Ivy was the only one of the four of them, who didn’t drink.

The engine was already running and the two women were waiting for them to come. When got into a car, Ivy turned back the car with a precision that would make not even one man envy. The barely lit crowded backyard didn’t seem any challenge to her as she drove out of the estate, passing by the tightly parked cars.

Farrier flinched a little as he felt an arm wrapping around his waist. They shared a look and Collins gave him a smile that made his heart beat a little faster. It never happened to have the blonde so close in the presence of other people. They were used to steal the little moments of intimacy in public. All they got was barely palpable touches of fingers, hidden somewhere under the table or in the darkness of London roads they passed sometimes. Being open about their relationship was a new thing. Refreshing thing. The only person who had seen them like that was his mother who accepted everything about the two of them being together.

Farrier rested his head on his lovers’ shoulder and looked at the couple before them. He noticed how Tiffany’s fingers slowly brushed Ivy’s hand when she had her hand on the gearbox. He noticed how the blonde’s lips curved into a smile and they shared a quick glance that told him more than all the words Tiffany had said to him before.

He closed his eyes, feeling a little dizzy. Maybe he had too much alcohol or maybe there was something comforting about this situation.

“I live nearby so the two of you are invited for breakfast if you want. After that Ivy might drive you back to the mansion to get your car” said Tiffany and Farrier tried his best to open his eyes and look at her, but failed. Luckily, he had Collins by his side, who listened carefully to her words. “Remember this blue house with cherry trees, James.”

The blonde man only nodded slightly at the words. It was dark outside, so he barely noticed that the house was blue. Luckily the house was the only one surrounded with cherry trees.

Just as Tiffany promised, the inn where they got a room seemed only a few minutes by walk from the house that belonged to her. They rented a room for two just like they usually did. Only this time they were lucky enough to have their beds slightly bigger, so after a short shower Farrier could snuggle up against his lover’s chest and it was slightly less uncomfortable than usual. It wasn’t best comparing to their bed at home, but they had worse.

Farrier closed his eyes, with his senses focused on calming rhythm of his loved one’s heartbeat. He was exhausted after a long evening where he had to face other people and pretend that Collins and he were far from being lovers. He wanted nothing more that to feel his presence as close as it was possible.

Slowly, he moved his hands through the blonde’s soft skin on his side. The touch felt soothing to him. His mind, filled with confusion of the evening’s events, was going calm at the feel of the man’s warm breath on his skin. Usually it was enough to make him asleep, but his consciousness couldn’t drift away at the sudden sound of raindrops hitting the window. For a moment he clenched his fingers around Collins’ wrist, but loosened up the grip as he didn’t want to wake him up. It was useless – he realised as he heard the man’s voice, completely awake, close to his ear.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?”

“The rain is distracting” he replied shortly and moved away a little to look the other one in the eyes. Collins sighed and leaned to him to kiss his forehead gently. His lips were surprisingly cold against Farrier’s skin and it made the man shiver. “And some thoughts also are.”

“You know you don’t have keep your thought secret from me” the blonde whispered and brushed his short hair with his fingers.

“It feels wrong, Fin” Farrier said and immediately regret that. He knew that the man wouldn’t attack him with questions if he didn’t want to tell him, but putting his thoughts into words seemed off. “It feels wrong to feel some kind of connection with someone that isn’t you.”

Collins frowned and Farrier looked away, visibly uncomfortable by the thought that he might offend his loved one with those words. He noticed the man shifting in the sheets to sit down, but didn’t say anything until he had felt warm fingers tracing his jaw slowly.

“Do I seem jealous?” he asked and gently lifted up Farrier’s chin, so that the older one would look back into his eyes. A slight doubt in the man’s gaze was easy to notice, but he shook his head after awhile. There was something soothing about the tone that Collins used at the nights like that. When he was listening to that voice, he could turn himself off at everything that made him uneasy. “It’s not wrong, love. Actually... It’s good. If you’re able to feel connection to other people it means you’re better.”

“It doesn’t change anything between us, does it?” Farrier asked and lifted himself up to sit in front of the younger man. The look he got from the other man seemed as if he was about to ask whether he was serious. Luckily, he didn’t say it aloud.

“No, love” Collins half-smiled. He lifted his lover’s hand to entangle their fingers in a tight grip. The blonde’s lips brushed Farrier’s skin in soft kiss. “We’ve been together for almost ten years now. Do you think it’s so easy to change anything between us? What we have is entirely different. You’re… You’re what I need to breath. You’re like air in my lungs. And you can’t live without air, can you?”

“Can’t” the older one’s voice was barely audible. He looked down, blinking his eyes, because he couldn’t stop the burning feeling in his eyes. Farrier was a simple man so Collins didn’t need to use distant metaphors to make him tremble with emotion.

“Follow my example… And do not doubt” the blonde’s fingers brushed his cheek and slowly went up to brush the barely visible trail of tears from the corner of his eyes. Farrier blushed slightly, because he didn’t feel this tear falling. “The two of them are nice, loving couple. And… To be honest, I’ve also felt some connection with Ivy, but… It’s something like having a sister.”

“It would be so much easier if your real sister was like her” Farrier couldn’t help, but make that remark. He had met Linda on a few rare occasions and he had no fellow feelings about her. They had no intentions in telling her about their relationships, so she didn’t have any reason to dislike Farrier and yet she treated him like a dumb only because he didn’t have the manners as good as her brother. “Do you think that it’s good that the people had seen us like that?”

The blonde frowned at his question. He seemed to consider it for a good moment before he spoke up.

“It’s not good, but it’s also not bad. We’re barely one hour from London and with the speed of rumour spreading, by the time we’re back to our place, Ms. Henderson will have our weddings planned.”

“She would regret that she couldn’t pair you up with the lady from the boutique downstairs” Farrier chuckled and the comment made Collins laugh. He leaned to kiss the older one in the forehead.

“People are simple… You hold a hand of a woman once and they forget any doubts they might ever have about you” the blonde grasped the quilt that almost slipped on the floor and covered the two of them with it. Farrier snorted at him, when the man stuck his cold feet between his legs. He used to do that far too often. The older pilot turned his back to him, a little indignant at his lover, but didn’t try to move away as Collins brushed his warm lips against his neck. “We should consider that breakfast at Tiffany’s. But don’t mind it now. Sleep.” 


End file.
